I think I should start writing letters to mikaela. The kind you send in the mail. Maybe we can stay friends through that. But I have a feeling I've already lost her as my friend.

I think the truth is written through the lies.
I think tess is lying about not being mad.
I think Mikaela thinks I hate her. But I don't.
Once again, I'm thinking to much. Someone please stop. I overthink everything.
I hate realizing that people are lying. I do this all the time when I overthink everything. But what's the reason for lying? Sometimes, because people want you to stick it out. Sometimes it's because the truth will hurt more than the lie. Because sometimes we don't know the truth. Sometimes, it's easier because the lie should be the truth anyways.

I feel like everything is beginning to fall apart. I miss mikaela like crazy. Tess is just kind of being mean. I just want things to go back to the way they were.

But once things change, the bad part is that you can't go back. No matter how badly you want to.

Start of 2010
List of things to do:
*Make more friends, so I'll have someone in gym next semester.
*get over this on again off again like thing with someone.
*be nicer (Especially to jake. I always feel bad. But I have been nicer to him!)
*watch 'valentines day'
*Focus on real life, not the ones I make up in my head
* read more books (As if that were a problem.)
List of things I have already done:
* watched and eaten Hibatchi (okay stuff, our cook was really funny!)
* Read a book (The amanda project, compltetely amazing)
* Done homework on a saturday (never happened before)
* watched a ton of NCIS
*Wait for this year to be over. I'm ready for a new one.


You've gotta smile into the chaos. It will confuse everyone into thinking you're okay when you're really not. As if they've noticed anyways.

Maybe I should start writing more on this one.
No one, except mikaela knows about it.
I could write all my secrets on here.
But I highly doubt anyone really wants to know my secrets.

I have a secret. No one knows.
I got so angry.
It just wasn't sharp enough.
Look at what you've turned me into.
By the way,
it's not always just for attention.